Day 9

I want to bang my head against a brick wall I am losing the plot now big time. This morning I slept in till 11am and then was having a good day up until Ash couldn't find a shirt and I lost it I rang Tony and it all went down hill from there I was screaming and yelling and couldn't stop crying and just hated everything and everyone at that time.

At this moment my eyes are sore and I just want to be all alone I don't want to talk to anyone or see anyone I just want to shut myself away from the world. The reason I am writing this now is because I can write down what I am feeling as I feel it.

I hate this I hate what is happening to me and I hate that my family doesn't understand and most of all I that Tony doesn't care and isn't there for me. I want him to be a supportive husband but he's not he doesn't seem to care he would rather just brush it under the carpet. I know he would hate me writing this but this blog is about me and my feelings and I have to write what I feel and this is how I feel.

The easiest thing for me to do would be stay on my meds and go back to the high dose but I don't want that I want to go off them and I have to take the good and the bad, the ups and downs, the highs and lows I just wish that I wasn't going through this alone because that is how I feel now so alone and scared very scared.

UPDATE

I am still feeling really angry right now it is such a shitty feeling and I wish it would just go away I hate feeling like this it is frustrating I hope I start to feel better soon cause I am over this.

I am thinking it might be time for an early night and just say goodnight to today and start a fresh tomorrow. I still feel so alone Tony isn't speaking to me so I guess I can't rely on him for any support cause he just isn't there :(