A crappy week

This past week has been horrible on the 14th July my Oma passed away so that was pretty hard to take and then the next few days consisted of seeing family members that we haven't seen for a while and seeing Oma in her coffin that was hard but she looked at piece and like she was asleep which was good.

On the monday we had the funeral that was hard but it was a beautiful service and she would have liked it.

Just before the service ended I got a blood nose and it wasn't in a hurry to stop which was hard for me I felt really embarrassed by it what a time to get one.

So I got thru all of that but something just didn't feel right but I don't know what it was I lost all motivation I only went to training once last week I got sick again it just wasn't a good time for me at all and I still don't feel right.

I feel guilty because I didn't spend enough time with Oma I didn't ring her enough I just don't know how to get past it I hate feeling like this it is frustrating and I get scared that the depression will come back and I can't go there again.

I hope next week is better I will have to find away to make it happen.

I did some crafts today and enjoyed it but that frustrates me too because I don't feel some stuff is good enough hmmm I gotta stop beating myself up so much and give myself a break.